Perhaps all your friends are getting married and having adorable miniature versions of themselves, and you are starting to think to yourself, “It’s time.” It happens to everyone at some point, except for the ones who jumped in first, causing inner turmoil for the rest of us. Right now I am watching a younger woman going through this stage, and I can clearly see the mistakes she is making, as my friends and I made similar ones. Watching her struggle triggered me to write this in the hopes of giving advice to other women like her. If your goal is to get married, and by married, I mean happily married, here are some guidelines of what you should and should not do.
STEP ONE: LOOK FOR A HUSBAND FOR THE RIGHT REASON
Determine why you want to get married
There may be a lot of reasons you may list: all your friends are now married, your biological clock is ticking, you want someone to financially support you, you need a father for your children, and so on. However, there is only one healthy reason to get married – to share your life with another person. If you marry someone only to have children or to join the marriage club, you may temporarily achieve your goal, but in the long run you will pay the price.
Your focus should be on finding a life partner who matches you, not on getting married.
Don’t get married because you are a certain age
A common mistake women make when they hit a certain age is to get married because everyone else is coupling up. Just because all your friends are getting married right now does not necessarily mean you need to do so. When I was younger, I watched as one by one all my friends got married, and then I watched as one by one they all got divorced. A year before I met my husband, I remember being shocked when an older man once asked me why I was not married. I was not married for a simple reason - I had not met my husband yet. Besides being a rude question, it does show the pressure put on us to get married at a certain age.
I had friends who were told by their mothers they should marry their boyfriends because it was time to settle down, and they did as their mothers suggested. I have had more than one friend tell me they told their mothers right before the ceremony they knew they should not go through with it, only to be told they were just having cold feet and to go on with the wedding. Yes, they all ended up divorced. The good news is they all remarried when they were ready and had children long before their biological clocks stopped ticking.
Everyone gets married at different ages. Some people who get married at eighteen stay married their entire lives, while others who marry at thirty are divorced within a year. Some people do not get married for the first time until after age fifty, and some never get married and are perfectly happy. There’s no “right” age to get married. Don’t worry, it will happen eventually - if that is your goal.
Get married when you are ready and have met the right person, not because you have reached a certain age.
Don’t get married because you want a wedding
Many brides fixate on the wedding and not the marriage. They talk incessantly about the flowers, the dress, the food, and the band. Yes, weddings are fun, but they last a day. Then you are married and reality sets in. My husband and I called this stage, “The post honeymoon blues.” You may spend a year or more planning the wedding and honeymoon. However, the day you get back from the honeymoon you will have to go back to your job. Soon, there will be no more presents waiting at the door for you, your wedding dress will be boxed up in the attic, and all your wedding pictures will be framed. The monotony of daily life will set in. We bought a house to get over it, others have children, and some, well, start dating others. This happened with quite a few of my friends. They got married because it was the thing to do, not because they wanted to share their lives with the men they married. Yes, they too got divorced.
Weddings last only a day.
Don’t marry someone because you want kids NOW
Babies are cute and lovable. They are also a lot of work, and contrary to what you are told, it does not get easier as they get older. Children are a huge responsibility, requiring a lot of time and money. Raising children requires sacrifice by both parents. Don’t get me wrong; I love my children more than anything. However, if you are only marrying a man because you want a baby, you are putting yourself into a situation that may cause you a lot of stress once the child is born.
Having a child with the wrong person may create great stress in your life.
Determine why you want to get married
There may be a lot of reasons you may list: all your friends are now married, your biological clock is ticking, you want someone to financially support you, you need a father for your children, and so on. However, there is only one healthy reason to get married – to share your life with another person. If you marry someone only to have children or to join the marriage club, you may temporarily achieve your goal, but in the long run you will pay the price.
Your focus should be on finding a life partner who matches you, not on getting married.
Don’t get married because you are a certain age
A common mistake women make when they hit a certain age is to get married because everyone else is coupling up. Just because all your friends are getting married right now does not necessarily mean you need to do so. When I was younger, I watched as one by one all my friends got married, and then I watched as one by one they all got divorced. A year before I met my husband, I remember being shocked when an older man once asked me why I was not married. I was not married for a simple reason - I had not met my husband yet. Besides being a rude question, it does show the pressure put on us to get married at a certain age.
I had friends who were told by their mothers they should marry their boyfriends because it was time to settle down, and they did as their mothers suggested. I have had more than one friend tell me they told their mothers right before the ceremony they knew they should not go through with it, only to be told they were just having cold feet and to go on with the wedding. Yes, they all ended up divorced. The good news is they all remarried when they were ready and had children long before their biological clocks stopped ticking.
Everyone gets married at different ages. Some people who get married at eighteen stay married their entire lives, while others who marry at thirty are divorced within a year. Some people do not get married for the first time until after age fifty, and some never get married and are perfectly happy. There’s no “right” age to get married. Don’t worry, it will happen eventually - if that is your goal.
Get married when you are ready and have met the right person, not because you have reached a certain age.
Don’t get married because you want a wedding
Many brides fixate on the wedding and not the marriage. They talk incessantly about the flowers, the dress, the food, and the band. Yes, weddings are fun, but they last a day. Then you are married and reality sets in. My husband and I called this stage, “The post honeymoon blues.” You may spend a year or more planning the wedding and honeymoon. However, the day you get back from the honeymoon you will have to go back to your job. Soon, there will be no more presents waiting at the door for you, your wedding dress will be boxed up in the attic, and all your wedding pictures will be framed. The monotony of daily life will set in. We bought a house to get over it, others have children, and some, well, start dating others. This happened with quite a few of my friends. They got married because it was the thing to do, not because they wanted to share their lives with the men they married. Yes, they too got divorced.
Weddings last only a day.
Don’t marry someone because you want kids NOW
Babies are cute and lovable. They are also a lot of work, and contrary to what you are told, it does not get easier as they get older. Children are a huge responsibility, requiring a lot of time and money. Raising children requires sacrifice by both parents. Don’t get me wrong; I love my children more than anything. However, if you are only marrying a man because you want a baby, you are putting yourself into a situation that may cause you a lot of stress once the child is born.
Having a child with the wrong person may create great stress in your life.
STEP TWO: HAVE FAITH – IT WILL HAPPEN
The clichés are true
There is someone for everyone.
Do not worry you will never find someone. He is out there. If you really want to get married, he will appear when the time is right, and you will meet him when you least expect it. Ask people how they met their spouses, many met by coincidence, or serendipity I prefer to say, when the moment was right.
You’ll know when you meet him.
I had been told by others I would know when I met my husband, and the were right. Both my husband and I knew we would marry each other within two weeks of meeting each other. We clicked, and we felt that. However, we did not immediately get married. We waited three years.
The clichés are true
There is someone for everyone.
Do not worry you will never find someone. He is out there. If you really want to get married, he will appear when the time is right, and you will meet him when you least expect it. Ask people how they met their spouses, many met by coincidence, or serendipity I prefer to say, when the moment was right.
You’ll know when you meet him.
I had been told by others I would know when I met my husband, and the were right. Both my husband and I knew we would marry each other within two weeks of meeting each other. We clicked, and we felt that. However, we did not immediately get married. We waited three years.
STEP THREE: VISUALIZE THE HUSBAND YOU WANT
Make a list
Get out a piece of paper and make a list specifying everything you want in a husband. Describe your future husband in full detail. Empower yourself by creating the life you want instead of letting life happen to you and marrying someone because he happened to be the one you were dating when you reached a certain age. This exercise will give you a clear vision of what type of man you wish to marry, and in turn, you will soon recognize men with these attributes. It will also signal to you when you meet men who do not have these qualities, and it will be less difficult for you to throw them back into the dating ocean.
Having seen it work repeatedly in my life, I strongly believe in the law of attraction. If you do this exercise, then visualize this man coming into your life and have faith he will, you will soon start meeting men with these characteristics. I did this, and within a couple months I met my husband. (This was long before the law of attraction became a buzzword.)
My list had ten requirements. Make yours as long or as short as you want. Of course, do not get super picky and turn someone away because he does not match 100% of your list, especially if it is lengthy. This exercise is to guide you in a certain direction, not give you an excuse to reject perfectly fine men.
Here are some suggestions to help you get started on your list. Use your imagination and expand where you see fit.
His Family & Friends
After answering these questions, write specifically what you want: My husband should be part of a close knit family that lives nearby and we enjoy spending time with regularly or My husband ‘s family will not play a large part in our lives. Remember, this is an exercise to visualize what you want in your life, and not a reason to dismiss a man because he has a large, boisterous family when you would prefer a quieter, smaller one. It will help you focus on finding the right man for you. Continue to do this task for the topics below.
Education
Give an age range you would consider marrying
Profession
Geographical
Political Beliefs
Values
Physical Appearance
Interests
Future Family
Future
After you have finished this exercise, keep your list for future reference, checking back on it occasionally to ensure you are staying focused on looking for the perfect husband for you.
Make a list
Get out a piece of paper and make a list specifying everything you want in a husband. Describe your future husband in full detail. Empower yourself by creating the life you want instead of letting life happen to you and marrying someone because he happened to be the one you were dating when you reached a certain age. This exercise will give you a clear vision of what type of man you wish to marry, and in turn, you will soon recognize men with these attributes. It will also signal to you when you meet men who do not have these qualities, and it will be less difficult for you to throw them back into the dating ocean.
Having seen it work repeatedly in my life, I strongly believe in the law of attraction. If you do this exercise, then visualize this man coming into your life and have faith he will, you will soon start meeting men with these characteristics. I did this, and within a couple months I met my husband. (This was long before the law of attraction became a buzzword.)
My list had ten requirements. Make yours as long or as short as you want. Of course, do not get super picky and turn someone away because he does not match 100% of your list, especially if it is lengthy. This exercise is to guide you in a certain direction, not give you an excuse to reject perfectly fine men.
Here are some suggestions to help you get started on your list. Use your imagination and expand where you see fit.
His Family & Friends
- Would you prefer your husband come from a large or small family?
- Do you care if his parents are married or not?
- What is his parents’ socioeconomic background?
- Does he have a lot of friends, a smaller circle of friends, or only a couple of extremely close friends?
- What are his friends like?
After answering these questions, write specifically what you want: My husband should be part of a close knit family that lives nearby and we enjoy spending time with regularly or My husband ‘s family will not play a large part in our lives. Remember, this is an exercise to visualize what you want in your life, and not a reason to dismiss a man because he has a large, boisterous family when you would prefer a quieter, smaller one. It will help you focus on finding the right man for you. Continue to do this task for the topics below.
Education
- What level of education should he have completed?
Give an age range you would consider marrying
- How much younger or older are you willing to go?
Profession
- Do you want a husband who makes a lot of money, or if he’s not there at the moment, has the potential to do so?
- Would you prefer someone who makes less money but serves society?
- Do you want someone who has a traditional 9 to 5 job or someone who has the freedom to travel the world with you?
Geographical
- Which part of the country should he be from? Could he be from another country? Or do you not care where he lives?
- Does he need to belong to a specific religion, or would you prefer someone who is not religious?
- If you are looking a Christian husband, is there a specific denomination you are seeking?
Political Beliefs
- Should he be liberal, conservative, a centrist or apolitical?
- Do you have a strong political stance on a certain issue and do you want him to share that belief?
Values
- Which values should he possess?
- Should he be honest, ethical, funny, ambitious, articulate, thrifty, punctual, organized, or spontaneous?
Physical Appearance
- What should he look like?
- Is he tall, short, thin, or heavier?
- What’s his fitness level?
- What’s his personal style?
Interests
- Which type of interests should he have?
- Which activities would you enjoy doing together with him, such as sailing, skiing, running, attending concerts, and so on?
Future Family
- Do you want children?
- How many?
- Do you want to stay at home or work outside the home? Obviously, you are not going to ask him these questions on your first date, and if you do, do not expect a second one. However, in time if he tells you he wants a large family when you want one child, then he probably is not the one for you.
Future
- Where do you envision living with your husband in ten years?
- What will your life look like?
After you have finished this exercise, keep your list for future reference, checking back on it occasionally to ensure you are staying focused on looking for the perfect husband for you.
STEP FOUR: WORK ON YOURSELF
Complete yourself
Now that you’ve determined what you want in a husband, look at yourself. Hollywood has sent the message we need men to complete us. If you are looking to complete yourself through another human being, then you are putting an impossible burden on that person. Your life is your responsibility, not your future husband's. Your future husband should be a partner who shares your life. It is not his job to fix what is broken in you. That is your job. Once you accept this, you will no longer look outward to solve your problems, but instead you will reach within yourself to do so. This will create confidence, and the more confident you are, the more attractive you will become to potential husbands. Neediness is a sign of desperation. Are you attracted to desperate men? Of course, you are not. Neediness will only attract men who want to control you.
Again take out a piece of paper and make two columns. On the left-hand side put a plus sign and in the other column a minus sign. Now start writing everything positive and negative about yourself. Be honest. When you are done, look at the paper from an objective standpoint. If you were a man looking for a wife, what would attract you to you and what would send you packing? Which of the negatives are you willing to change and how will you do so? Create a plan to correct these negatives, or at least some of them, and implement this plan immediately, not tomorrow or next week. Now.
Do not make excuses you cannot change yourself. Yes, there are some things not possible to change such as your eye color, but most of the negatives on your list are within your power to transform, if you accept responsibility for your life and stop blaming outside circumstances. This is not a suggestion to change yourself for a man, but instead to put the focus on improving your life for you. You will eventually meet someone you want to marry, but until then invest in yourself.
Now look at the positives and be truly grateful for everything positive about yourself and your life. Realize what you have and how lucky a man would be to share his life with you. Believe in yourself.
Men don’t take the party girls home to meet mom and dad
This is the “Don’t give away the milk for free” talk. Yes, you will get male attention by dressing scantily and twerking on the dance floor, but not the kind you want. These men will bring you home to their beds, but not home to meet mom and dad. Do not fool yourself they will. When a man wants to get married he will be looking for a wife, not a one-night stand. He will be searching for someone who will fit into his family and his life. One man I know said he knew he wanted to marry his wife when she was able to go camping with him for three weeks without putting on makeup. In other words, she was herself and she shared his interests.
If a man is looking for a woman with whom he can start a family, he is going to look for someone who is mature enough to raise a child, not the one dancing on the bar. If you are serious about getting married, then it may be time to grow up.
If you sleep with a man the minute you meet him, he will think you sleep with every man who looks at you. Make him wait. Respect yourself. A man is not going to fall head over heels with the drunk girl stumbling around in clothes that leave nothing to the imagination, and he definitely will not be rushing to introduce her to his parents.
Dress the part for the life you want. If your goal is to have complete sexual liberation, then dress in that manner but do not expect to find a monogamous partner doing so. If you want to be a wife, present yourself like one. Most men do not want their wives clothed provocatively for the sake of other men.
Before you comment that it is a double standard that women should behave and men should not. That is not what is being said. The point is men are not interested in committing a lifetime to women who give themselves away to every man, but will have no problem having sex with them. If a woman does not respect herself, no one else will either. We teach people how to treat us.
Dress and behave like a wife.
STEP FIVE: WHERE TO FIND HIM
Now go over your list, especially the “interests” section. If you live in Minnesota but wrote your husband must be a Dallas Cowboys fan, just like you, then find a bar where Cowboys fans watch their games. Instead of searching for a husband in the crowd, look to make new friends. They may have a friend who is perfect for you. Again, focus on enjoying your life as a single person, and as you do, new people and situations will appear automatically.
One of the requirements on my list was that my husband had to love skiing. How did I meet him? Some friends organized a ski trip, asked me to go along and I did. So did he. Had I not established these friendships prior, I would not have met my husband.
To meet others with your interests, volunteer for a cause in which you strongly believe or become active in your church. If you are interested in rock climbing, join a rock climbing club. Target the activities you enjoy and meet people who share your interests, you never know what may happen. These are just some examples of places to meet a husband, many people meet at work or online. The key is to know what you want in a husband and to know yourself before you meet him.
Life has a funny way of presenting opportunities when you are ready. If you prepare by establishing the goal of what you want, having faith, focusing on self-improvement, and not trying to control the situation, life will unfold in the direction you are seeking.
STEP SIX: MAKE SURE HE’S THE ONE FOR YOU
Mr. Right will treat your right
If you have to force the relationship, he is not the one for you. If sometimes he calls and sometimes he does not, he is not the one for you. Mr. Right will adore you. There will be no games, and he will treat you with respect. He will bend over backwards for you. If you are dating someone who ignores you for days and then calls for sex, he is definitely not the one for you. Quit wasting time with these men, they are dead ends and will only lower your self esteem.
Get to know him before you get married
I knew a woman in her 60s who married her husband one week after she met him at age eighteen. This worked for her but is not a recommended strategy. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Yes, there is the option of divorce, but if you have children together, you will be connected to him for the rest of your life. It is a lot easier to walk away from him before you are legally partnered. Get to know everything about him and his family before you sign your life away. Who you marry will affect you more than any other decision you make in your life. Take it seriously. If your goal is to find someone to share your life, as opposed to getting married, waiting to get married will be a natural part of the process.
Make sure you are evenly yoked
There is something to be said about being evenly yoked. The meaning in the Biblical sense is being equal in faith; in this case, it is about being equal in general. The more differences between the two of you, the harder the relationship will be over the long run. Time will intensify the differences. Does he like to sleep late on weekends while you like to get up early? At first this may not be a big deal, but as time goes by it could start to bother you that you spend weekend mornings alone while he is sleeping. Over the years, this could make you resentful, angry, and lonely. Also typical couples tend to match. Do not get so desperate for a husband you choose someone who is not your equivalent.
Look at his parents
A teacher once told me if you want to know what your husband will be like in twenty years, look at his dad. Although you should not judge a person by his family, there is some truth in what this teacher said. Your life will be a combination of what your parents taught you and what his parents taught him, unless you have done a lot of work not to repeat family patterns. The old saying, “You are not just marrying the branch; you are marrying the whole plant” is true as well. Once you enter into another family, his family matters will become yours. Make sure that is what you want.
He’s not going to change
If there is something that really irritates you about the man you are dating, be aware he most likely is never going to change. Personal change must come from within him, and unless he wants to fix his behavior, he will not. No one is perfect and all married couples must accept imperfections in their spouses, just do not be foolish thinking behavior will change once you have a ring on your finger. It will not.
IN CONCLUSION
Focus on finding someone with whom to share your life, someone who treats you well and respects you. Do not waste your time on those who do not.
Getting married for the wrong reasons often leads to divorce, so examine why you really want to get married and if you are really ready for that step.
Have faith you will find your perfect match. Do not measure your life milestones against others. Every one has a separate timeline, and you will meet your husband when the time is right.
Create the life you want by detailing the traits you want in a husband and staying focused on attracting a man with those qualities into your life.
Work on improving yourself while you are single, and dress and behave like the type of wife you want to be. You must love yourself before someone else can love you.
Meet others who have similar interests as you do. Enjoy these activities for the pleasure of the activities themselves, not for finding a man. In time, when you least expect it, a man will walk into your life who you will want to marry for the right reasons.
Once you meet someone, carefully examine if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. It’s a big decision, take it seriously.
Complete yourself
Now that you’ve determined what you want in a husband, look at yourself. Hollywood has sent the message we need men to complete us. If you are looking to complete yourself through another human being, then you are putting an impossible burden on that person. Your life is your responsibility, not your future husband's. Your future husband should be a partner who shares your life. It is not his job to fix what is broken in you. That is your job. Once you accept this, you will no longer look outward to solve your problems, but instead you will reach within yourself to do so. This will create confidence, and the more confident you are, the more attractive you will become to potential husbands. Neediness is a sign of desperation. Are you attracted to desperate men? Of course, you are not. Neediness will only attract men who want to control you.
Again take out a piece of paper and make two columns. On the left-hand side put a plus sign and in the other column a minus sign. Now start writing everything positive and negative about yourself. Be honest. When you are done, look at the paper from an objective standpoint. If you were a man looking for a wife, what would attract you to you and what would send you packing? Which of the negatives are you willing to change and how will you do so? Create a plan to correct these negatives, or at least some of them, and implement this plan immediately, not tomorrow or next week. Now.
Do not make excuses you cannot change yourself. Yes, there are some things not possible to change such as your eye color, but most of the negatives on your list are within your power to transform, if you accept responsibility for your life and stop blaming outside circumstances. This is not a suggestion to change yourself for a man, but instead to put the focus on improving your life for you. You will eventually meet someone you want to marry, but until then invest in yourself.
Now look at the positives and be truly grateful for everything positive about yourself and your life. Realize what you have and how lucky a man would be to share his life with you. Believe in yourself.
Men don’t take the party girls home to meet mom and dad
This is the “Don’t give away the milk for free” talk. Yes, you will get male attention by dressing scantily and twerking on the dance floor, but not the kind you want. These men will bring you home to their beds, but not home to meet mom and dad. Do not fool yourself they will. When a man wants to get married he will be looking for a wife, not a one-night stand. He will be searching for someone who will fit into his family and his life. One man I know said he knew he wanted to marry his wife when she was able to go camping with him for three weeks without putting on makeup. In other words, she was herself and she shared his interests.
If a man is looking for a woman with whom he can start a family, he is going to look for someone who is mature enough to raise a child, not the one dancing on the bar. If you are serious about getting married, then it may be time to grow up.
If you sleep with a man the minute you meet him, he will think you sleep with every man who looks at you. Make him wait. Respect yourself. A man is not going to fall head over heels with the drunk girl stumbling around in clothes that leave nothing to the imagination, and he definitely will not be rushing to introduce her to his parents.
Dress the part for the life you want. If your goal is to have complete sexual liberation, then dress in that manner but do not expect to find a monogamous partner doing so. If you want to be a wife, present yourself like one. Most men do not want their wives clothed provocatively for the sake of other men.
Before you comment that it is a double standard that women should behave and men should not. That is not what is being said. The point is men are not interested in committing a lifetime to women who give themselves away to every man, but will have no problem having sex with them. If a woman does not respect herself, no one else will either. We teach people how to treat us.
Dress and behave like a wife.
STEP FIVE: WHERE TO FIND HIM
Now go over your list, especially the “interests” section. If you live in Minnesota but wrote your husband must be a Dallas Cowboys fan, just like you, then find a bar where Cowboys fans watch their games. Instead of searching for a husband in the crowd, look to make new friends. They may have a friend who is perfect for you. Again, focus on enjoying your life as a single person, and as you do, new people and situations will appear automatically.
One of the requirements on my list was that my husband had to love skiing. How did I meet him? Some friends organized a ski trip, asked me to go along and I did. So did he. Had I not established these friendships prior, I would not have met my husband.
To meet others with your interests, volunteer for a cause in which you strongly believe or become active in your church. If you are interested in rock climbing, join a rock climbing club. Target the activities you enjoy and meet people who share your interests, you never know what may happen. These are just some examples of places to meet a husband, many people meet at work or online. The key is to know what you want in a husband and to know yourself before you meet him.
Life has a funny way of presenting opportunities when you are ready. If you prepare by establishing the goal of what you want, having faith, focusing on self-improvement, and not trying to control the situation, life will unfold in the direction you are seeking.
STEP SIX: MAKE SURE HE’S THE ONE FOR YOU
Mr. Right will treat your right
If you have to force the relationship, he is not the one for you. If sometimes he calls and sometimes he does not, he is not the one for you. Mr. Right will adore you. There will be no games, and he will treat you with respect. He will bend over backwards for you. If you are dating someone who ignores you for days and then calls for sex, he is definitely not the one for you. Quit wasting time with these men, they are dead ends and will only lower your self esteem.
Get to know him before you get married
I knew a woman in her 60s who married her husband one week after she met him at age eighteen. This worked for her but is not a recommended strategy. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Yes, there is the option of divorce, but if you have children together, you will be connected to him for the rest of your life. It is a lot easier to walk away from him before you are legally partnered. Get to know everything about him and his family before you sign your life away. Who you marry will affect you more than any other decision you make in your life. Take it seriously. If your goal is to find someone to share your life, as opposed to getting married, waiting to get married will be a natural part of the process.
Make sure you are evenly yoked
There is something to be said about being evenly yoked. The meaning in the Biblical sense is being equal in faith; in this case, it is about being equal in general. The more differences between the two of you, the harder the relationship will be over the long run. Time will intensify the differences. Does he like to sleep late on weekends while you like to get up early? At first this may not be a big deal, but as time goes by it could start to bother you that you spend weekend mornings alone while he is sleeping. Over the years, this could make you resentful, angry, and lonely. Also typical couples tend to match. Do not get so desperate for a husband you choose someone who is not your equivalent.
Look at his parents
A teacher once told me if you want to know what your husband will be like in twenty years, look at his dad. Although you should not judge a person by his family, there is some truth in what this teacher said. Your life will be a combination of what your parents taught you and what his parents taught him, unless you have done a lot of work not to repeat family patterns. The old saying, “You are not just marrying the branch; you are marrying the whole plant” is true as well. Once you enter into another family, his family matters will become yours. Make sure that is what you want.
He’s not going to change
If there is something that really irritates you about the man you are dating, be aware he most likely is never going to change. Personal change must come from within him, and unless he wants to fix his behavior, he will not. No one is perfect and all married couples must accept imperfections in their spouses, just do not be foolish thinking behavior will change once you have a ring on your finger. It will not.
IN CONCLUSION
Focus on finding someone with whom to share your life, someone who treats you well and respects you. Do not waste your time on those who do not.
Getting married for the wrong reasons often leads to divorce, so examine why you really want to get married and if you are really ready for that step.
Have faith you will find your perfect match. Do not measure your life milestones against others. Every one has a separate timeline, and you will meet your husband when the time is right.
Create the life you want by detailing the traits you want in a husband and staying focused on attracting a man with those qualities into your life.
Work on improving yourself while you are single, and dress and behave like the type of wife you want to be. You must love yourself before someone else can love you.
Meet others who have similar interests as you do. Enjoy these activities for the pleasure of the activities themselves, not for finding a man. In time, when you least expect it, a man will walk into your life who you will want to marry for the right reasons.
Once you meet someone, carefully examine if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. It’s a big decision, take it seriously.
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